The Burdens of Being Upright

Oct 31, 2005

i love halloween! me and katie had bought a LOT of candy for tonight but we had no idea just how many kids there would be out tonight. it seems that all the kids in annapolis come to our neighborhood to trick or treat. not that i really mind. if their neighborhood isnt that safe, i'd rather them come to mine. but cars would park on the street and dozens of kids would get out. i had to run out to rite aid and get more candy. it was fun though. sooo many cute kids. this one girl said she was a deranged princess. haha. kids are awesome. and this one grown guy was out with his little baby who obviously didnt have teeth yet and wouldnt be eating any of that candy. that rules, using your baby as an excuse to trick or treat. i love halloween. i love october. i love autumn. i hate college. i miss jason.
posted by sarah 8:20 PM

Oct 30, 2005

is it weird that i'm somewhat looking forward to this next month? it doesn't change the fact that i'm going to be sad sad sad and missing you like crazy. but there's a part of me that knows this will be good for me.

obviously there was a problem and things were not going well otherwise there would be no need for this change. here's to things changing for the better, whatever that entails.
posted by sarah 2:32 PM

this is going to be a long winter. with no one to keep me warm. expect lots of posts where i'm really really sad but still trying to make the best of things. so i'll say things like "oh well" and "i guess thats just the way it is" and start it off by saying "today was pretty cool..." see thats what i do. i try to make it seem like i'm having a blast when i'm really not. (i guess that makes me a liar). i don't want to be sad. i love you baby and i'm going to miss you a lot.

No shadow
no stars
no moon
no cars
November
it only believes in a pile of dead leaves and a moon that's the color of bone

get ready for no jason in november. why are things that are probably for the best always the hardest to do? there's really only one place i want to be right now. but i'm pretty sure its not ok for me to be in your bed in your arms once we've broken up. i'm not good at being an ex-girlfriend.

time for macaroni n cheese and ghostbusters 2.
posted by sarah 12:04 AM

Oct 28, 2005

screaming gets you nothing

no more being angry. or bitter. or depressed. or confused and asking why. not this time. just pick yourself up and move on. no spite or jealousy. no moping around the house. say good riddance and move on.
posted by sarah 12:08 PM

Oct 23, 2005

honest arrogance as opposed to feigned humility

i hope when i'm older i have lots of quirks and i'm kind of crotchety but in a funny way. i want people to remember me for ridiculous things that make them smile to think about. i want people to remember me. i went and saw falling water today in pennsylvania. can i just say this is my dream house. i dont even like most of frank lloyd wright's work, i think he's way too over-hyped. but this house is perfect. its set in these gorgeous woods, which today were all yellow. and the house, instead of having a view of this amazing waterfall, is built at the top of the waterfall. in the living room there's a staircase that leads right down into the pool of water below. can you imagine that? instead of watching tv when you're bored, going and taking a dip in your own private pool at the top of your waterfall. the whole house is amazing to me. most of the house isnt even indoors, its terraces. but in an area like that, why would you want to be indoors? today made me so excited. it made me want to go hiking and explore and see breathtaking sights and have endless adventures. just being away from it all i guess makes me realize how small i am. and how unimportant most of the fears and jealousies and hurt and anger i carry with me really is. i mean, i stood in a room today that frida effing kahlo used to stay in. i want to feel small again. i want to wander through the woods, past trees that have been there long before i ever was and will be there long after i'm gone.
posted by sarah 12:41 AM

Oct 22, 2005

ok... so i'm a failure. but its not that bad. i've come to accept that i most likely will not get above a 3.2 this semester and will therefore lose my scholarship. this is something that has been stressing me out and making me hate life for awhile. but my mom said "yeah i mean it was nice that you were offered it, but its not that big of a deal. your brother and sister both got on academic probation and squandered tens of thousands of dollars in tuition." that made me feel better. i'm seriously trying but everytime i get a precal quiz or test back and see my score, it becomes even more clear that i may not pass that class. which sucks. but i really dont know what more i could do. so i guess i shouldnt get too upset about it. im going to see falling water tomorrow and im actually pretty excited. it will be cool.

these are the places i wanna go as of now

-italy (may get to this summer)
-easter island
-galapagos islands
-new zealand
-burma
-poland
-ireland
-yosemite (not as far as the others, maybe i should go this summer)
posted by sarah 12:48 AM

Oct 16, 2005

i love october!
posted by sarah 2:02 PM

Oct 15, 2005

some days arent yours at all

i am so out of touch. and unhappy.
posted by sarah 2:33 AM

Oct 11, 2005

i'm a worrier, thats why my friends call me whiskers

so here it is, i dont really like college. and im worried about my grades and whether or not ill be able to keep my scholarship. and i dont have any time for anything. i like working at victorias secret but i think i might quit. maybe not quit, maybe just work like 2 days a week. then i'd have more time for school and actually doing stuff. working, going to school, it all seems for naught if you dont have any time left over to actually enjoy yourself and your friends. like today, i didn't go to either of my classes, and i should have, but my stomach hurts a lot and i didn't want to. i'm really trying at school, i could probably be trying harder though. i'm gonna get my act together.
lately ive been feeling crappy. i mean i've had a lot of times when i've been happy or having fun, but underneath that there's a baseline of feeling down. which sucks. but everytime i go home and visit my dad, i feel more and more akward and out of place there. my dad's depressed and my mom's in kansas. it's not good. i feel very in a slump and i dont know how to get out of it.
posted by sarah 10:36 AM

Oct 1, 2005

William Bennet

Bennett served as Reagan's chairman of the National Endowment for the Humanities from 1981-1985 and secretary of education from 1985-1988. From 1989-1990, he served as "drug czar" in the administration of the elder Bush.

bennet, who now hosts a radio talk show, had this to say on thursday:

"If you wanted to reduce crime, you could -- if that were your sole purpose -- you could abort every black baby in this country and your crime rate would go down."

he then added

"That would be an impossibly ridiculous and morally reprehensible thing to do, but your crime rate would go down."

When asked to apologize for these racist statements, Bennet said "I'm not racist." and a called himself a "champion of the real civil rights issue of our times -- equal educational opportunities for kids."

wow, what a great guy. seriously, how do these types of people ever get elected?
posted by sarah 10:32 PM