The Burdens of Being Upright

Aug 31, 2005

i think i'm evening out. growing up. becoming less of a dick and more positive about everything. first there's the thesis, then when that is found to be flawed, there's a total rebellion of the original thesis and you get the antithesis. and over time, the two ideas merge together. even out. and create the new thesis. that's how i feel. like every part of my life and my past is coming together to form one solid stream of conciousness that actually makes sense. i love my family. i love the idea of family altogether. family is so much deeper than friendship in many ways. you can have a huge fight with a friend and never speak to them again and your connection is cut. but if you have a huge fight with your brother, that person will remain your brother and will forever be bound to you. my family will always be a part of me. i will always be told i have alex's smile or that i look so much like my sister. both my parents have influenced me so much and i didnt even realize it. i love gardening because thats something my dad and i used to do together. i love crossword puzzles and jigsaw puzzles because of my mom. i cant even walk into a craft store without feeling in instant connection with my mom and recall a thousand memories of her in the sewing room working on some project. A room full of cousins of all ages from all across the country who all have the exact same nose. the aunts, who may be perfectly well behaved the rest of the year, will always end up drinking wine playing liverpool rummy and laughing all night. they all have the same loud laugh that you can hear all around the house. but dont cross them in a game of liverpool. who else can you share a bond like that with? where you see them maybe every 2 years or so, and are able to pick up right where you left off. i love my family. for all our flaws. for all our skeletons. janeczek/mcrobbies rule.
posted by sarah 1:35 AM

Aug 21, 2005

a tale of two titties

today, katie and i got into the new jetta and drove to baltimore with hopes of spending large amounts of money at american apparel. we braved many perils on our journey. fleeing from police, outrunning a tornado, wrestling bears, and taking down a colombian drug lord. upon reaching our destination, we found a very convenient parking space with a full meter. but once we walked up to american apparel... we were greeted by the most horid sight i have ever seen in my life.

CLOSED FOR FLOODING. COME BACK SOON. <3

"Noooooooooo!!!!!!!!!" katie and i screamed with terror and frustration. i wondered what sort of sick twisted mind would dare draw a heart right after that infuriating message. baltimore had flooded, and was now just an island in the middle of the bay. as a second choice, we went to arundel mills. the shopping was nice. i bought a few things that were on sale. nothing too great. nothing too bad. after finishing up in old navy, katie and i bounded for the parking lot with hopes of making it home in time to cook ourselves cheddar broccoli pasta before work. as we sat in the nice air conditioned jetta, katie looked over at me with a horror-stricken face. the jetta was stuck in park! frantically, we called everyone we could think of, trying to figure out what was wrong and how to fix the jetta. but to no avail. in the end, the decision was made that the jetta would have to wait at arundel mills for the weekend, until it could be towed and fixed on monday. but *gasp* we had to be at work at 430... and we were miles from home and already late. luckily, two attractive, kind-hearted, and cute men came to our aid. they rescued us from the arundel mills parking lot and took us home where we could finally go to work. in conclusion, jetta sucks. jason and joey rule.
posted by sarah 12:40 AM

Aug 19, 2005

loose lips sink ships
posted by sarah 3:19 AM

Aug 16, 2005

Girls who rule in maryland

Katie
Briana
Sarah O
Angie
Me

pretty soon though, katie and briana will be in philly. sarah o will be in new york. and angie will be in dc. then the list will look like this

Me.

me. all by myself. with no girls who rule to keep me company. i need to find some more female friends. i forgot how much fun it is to hang out with girls.
posted by sarah 1:32 AM

Aug 13, 2005

where is everyone going?
posted by sarah 4:26 AM

Aug 11, 2005

this is effed and not what i want. and now i'm sad. great. i want some god damned clarity. it feels like i'm in a fog. words ive heard so many times have lost all meaning. its like now all i hear is just a bunch of misplaced words that dont actually have definitions to them, they're just syllables. erg, did i just screw myself over? why didnt i just sign off line and go to bed. think about things later. god damn it. this isnt what i want at all. i dont want the good times to be over with you. fucking god damn. i need clarity. i need a friend. i wish i knew what to do. and i wish i didnt open my mouth before i knew i meant what i was going to say. i need someone to lean on. metaphorically i guess but really just literally. i need a shoulder to rest my head on. thats what i need.
posted by sarah 1:50 AM

Aug 7, 2005

GOD WHEN DID EVERYTHING GET SO HARD

im not trying to be a jerk. but i dont think i should just be passive. how do you be assertive without being a bitch? how do you stand up for yourself without making the other person feel like crap? i got my own damn self into all this. i'm no victim. i knew exactly what was going on. what should i do? should i say eff it, and put us to rest. be happy on my own. maybe eventually see if i can find someone who knows what they want. i dont know. i want you. and is whats between us worth making an effort for? worth being patient for? i see you as the person i want you to be not the person you are. its easy to get confused. im not whining. no one's the victim in this and no one's the bad guy. we're just two idiots.
posted by sarah 3:33 AM

drove all the way to hagerstown and missed black out. suuuuucked. still had a good time at the show though. on the way home, katie's tire exploded. exploooooded. luckily a van full of cute boys was there to fix it for us. i think katie's car has seen its last joyride. i am so sleepy. i am so cranky. gotta work tomorrow.... ugghhh
posted by sarah 2:50 AM

Aug 2, 2005

dont be stupid, be posi! i am my own worst enemy right now. what happens when you hang out with your ex boyfriend? you forget about the ex part. so what is that? honest feelings for him or just being used to him? i dont know. you dont know. no one knows. we are some dummies. so what is it that i want.... hmmmm... but what is it that i need. and what do i expect from him. this will take more than a night to figure out. what do i want? someone to say 'i realize now that you and what we have is important and worth making an effort for. even though it wont always be easy, i'm going to try to be a good man for you. i'm going to treat you like i want you to treat me. and when things are in a rut, i'm not going to want to give up without a fight.' what do i need? for that to be true. no more being weak-willed and dumb. its not doing anything but confusing me and potentially setting me up for a fall. be strong.
posted by sarah 3:19 AM