Jul 10, 2005
someone once told me to think about all the qualities that would make a person the ideal boyfriend, and to be those things. and even though i was told this years ago, way before i had any boyfriends or even knew which qualities were ideal, it has stuck with me. and thats what i've tried to be, exactly what i've always wanted. honest, loyal, supportive, forgiving, affectionate but with a sense of humor and wouldn't start a fight over just anything. i always kind of figured that if i made an effort to be a good girlfriend, the boy would naturally return the favor. but what happens when it becomes clear who is the doormat in the relationship? when the boy, whether knowingly or not, makes you feel like nothing more than a cuddle and a fuck and also a burden to his social life and thus his fun? god, am i one of those idiot girls who forgive and overlook things they would never normally tolerate because 'he says hes sorry and he really cares about me'. i swear i used to be strong and independent. i swear i used to have fun and actually like my life. i am one of those idiot girls. i'm one of those idiots in a stupid relationship that has already ended twice, with a boyfriend who doesnt even want her around, who has neglected her friends that she used to love, forgotten what she once hoped for herself, is bored out of her mind, and still doesnt want to lose her loveless and selfish boy because she loves and adores him and knows that he has potential to be a really great man. even if now he's selfish and thinks its funny to be a dick to girls since his friend his. truth is it doesnt make him funny, it just makes him a dick. when he used to be a rarity among the sluts and assholes that most boys seem to be, now he's slowly morphing into one of them. and i'm the idiot girlfriend, the kind of girl clinging to the asshole's arm that i used to see and think "has she no standards?" i am so disgusted right now with who i have become. i completely embody all the qualities i used to disdain in other girls. now i know why so many girls are bitches, jumping on their boyfriend for every small thing, because they're smart and they know they deserve better.
posted by sarah 1:08 AM
