The Burdens of Being Upright

Feb 28, 2004

hold me?

when i got off work i had a message from my mom so i checked it. it was basically saying that she was giving my dad the papers today and that i should call her before i go home after babysitting to make sure everything's ok. that made me feel a little sick in my gut but i went and got a milkshake from burger king before i went to babysit so it was ok. i babysat until 11 then went home. weeeiirrd. my dad was being a douchemuffin and tried to sit me down and have a talk with me. he tried to basically say that he's never been mean or crazy towards me and that i was just being weird. so i left there and went to hang out with katie because i didnt want to be there. then me and angie and jason went to dennys and now i'm sleeping at angie's tonight. its just too weird of a night to spend at home.

posted by sarah 2:47 AM

Feb 23, 2004

wait.

it was a good weekend. it brought me a new car and a new boyfriend. i'm really excited about that but i cant really write anything about it right now because i'm just so stresssssed out about other things. our car loan isnt going to cover the entire cost of the car. its short about 800 or 900 dollars. so thats going to come out of my bank account for now which is fine. it'll mean that i wont have much money for awhile but its not like i spend money on anything i need anyway. everything's just kind of effed right now. and our financial situation seems as though it will only get worse. i just feel so bad for my mom right now. and i'm trying to be helpful and be there for her. but at the same time i'm trying to keep my grades up. and i'm trying to keep things at work ok since it feels as though my job is constantly in jeopardy working there. and now my bank account is going to take a huge blow so i need to start budgeting and not spending my money on crap. and my dad keeps giving me crap over nothing but hopefully that will all be over soon. and with all this going on i really just want to hang out with my friends and be young. just. crap on crap on crap.

posted by sarah 10:43 PM

Feb 21, 2004

i went to dc yesterday with jason and ryan. h&m at metro center is a nerd for closing at 8pm. the h&m in georgetown isnt good. but i like being in dc, especially when its so nice outside. and i like seeing people all dressed up to go out. one of the bums asked for our leftover chinese food so we have it to him and he called me sunshine and said "boys, you better keep that girl smiling." that made my day. then later another bum called me gwyneth paltrow. i am so extremely excited about how nice it is outside. spring (minus the bad allergies that will surely come) is going to be amazing. the whole year is going to be amazing. i mean, i cant recall anything extremely spectacular about 2004 so far, but its still such a great year. and will continue to be.

posted by sarah 1:14 PM

Feb 19, 2004

lets get physical physical

i went to the gym with amanda, who i work with, today. i get free access to all the gyms on military bases so we went to the ft meade one. i think i should start working out at least 2 or 3 times a week now because i feel so great. i'm completely energized and i feel very notlazy. i ran for 20 minutes on one of those running machines. then i used the various weight lifting machines. it was neat.

quentin tarantino is a goober. at first i heard that kill bill 2 was coming out in february. then i heard it had been delayed until april. then drew who works at the movie theater said it was coming out this friday. but now i'm hearing april again. stupid everyone.

posted by sarah 10:20 PM

Feb 18, 2004

sigh.

posted by sarah 9:07 PM

Feb 16, 2004

i'm the bomb

i went to the grocery store earlier with kenny and this old nerdy black guy was like "man. i feel like i'm in a movie. we got kirsten dunst here and that guy from that 70s show." it was great. i love people sometimes, they can be so funny.

posted by sarah 10:04 PM

Feb 9, 2004

cut the kids in half

sooo... these are very akward days. like something else thats akward, i dont know. i cant think of a simile. but basically, whenever my mom gives my dad the papers (which will probably be in the next few days) then my dad will have a month to move out. but she's gotta convince him to move out. if he's not for that, then me and her have to move out and we sell the house. so its like.... just a very strange week. i mean, i guess either scenario wouldnt be that bad. because if we did move it would be somewhere in bowie. but, you know, its just weird. but i think my parents would both be happier in the long run not living together. and i know i'd be happier not living with my dad so maybe everything will work out ok. i'd like to go back to salem soon and talk to that psychic again. because she predicted that all this would happen. and i guess i could use a little guidance about now.

posted by sarah 12:41 AM

Feb 6, 2004

adventures at the ER

yesterday my neck, back, and ribs were hurting something aweful so my mom took me to the ER. We arrived at 7:00pm and sat in the waiting room for a good hour and 45 minutes. then we went back to the place where i was poked and prodded and they stuck an IV in me. i really really REALLY hate needles and when the doctor told me they were gonna stick an IV in my arm i started shaking. they took a bunch of xrays and made me pee in a cup in case i was pregnant. then they said they were going to give me a catscan because they thought my spleen might be bruised so i had to drink an entire picture of this stuff called contrast which tastes exactly like a dentist office smells. it was terrible. i couldnt eat the entire time which was aweful because i hadnt eaten since 3pm. finally they got the results back and it turns out that nothing is wrong with any of my bones and internal organs. how long do you think all of this took? if you guessed 9 hours, you win! so finally at 4:00am we were able to go home and i was finally able to eat. the end.

posted by sarah 6:32 PM

Feb 5, 2004

forked tongue

this is definetly the climax, or the turning point or something. it seems that everything familiar, whether it be good or bad, is crumbling away and i'm not sure what ground i stand on. i got into a car accident today. i tried to stop but my car did not and i hit a car from behind. no one was seriously hurt and the other car has minimal damage but my nova is dead. no more nova. means no more car. means no more driving. my dad gets home from virginia tomorrow, and my mom was supposed to leave for kansas tomorrow too but she cancelled her flight. she didnt want to leave me alone to deal with him. thank god. i dont think i could do it. he's really terrible. he has no respect for me and he's just.... always criticizing... always assuming i'm up to no good and punishing me for something. anyone who knows me knows that i'm not a bad kid by a long shot. i may a bit of a jerk but in no way a reckless or rebelious teenager. its so crazy that the psychic predicted all of this. she told me that they wouldnt last much longer after my brother moved out. i hadnt even told her my brother was moving out. so now my mom says my dad will be out of the house by the end of the month. and i'm learning that she's been wanting to divorce him since before i was born. i feel so bad for her. she feels so terrible, like she let us down. i told her it was ok, that he failed her as a husband. because he did. its seriously terrible. i shouldnt be afraid and stressed out like i am. this is all so terribly confusing and the transition will be tough. my family is so spread out and falling apart it seems but i can only hope things would get better. i have a feeling i'll like my dad a lot more if i'm not living with him. i remember the psychic also saying that i wont want anything to do with him for a few years. i dont know. i hope things will be ok. this is all so surreal. i never thought things would turn out this way. i'm scared.

posted by sarah 12:47 AM

Feb 2, 2004

i dont have a dog anymore. when i came home, i saw sandy's bowl in the trashcan and i started to cry. its weird. we've had that dog for 12 years... thats most of my life... the house seems so... incomplete. i dont have a doggie anymore. :(

posted by sarah 11:18 PM

products of their script

hmm... i like how things are right now. yep. i'm quite content.

except for one thing. we have to get our dog put to sleep. and thats very sad. i mean. i dont know. we've had her for so long things just wont seem right. and i feel really terrible about it. i dont know. its just sad.

posted by sarah 12:07 AM