Oct 27, 2003
my stomach swears there's comfort there
am i floating or am i sinking? or digging my own grave? i've always debated which would be better, to die and know you're dying or for it to sneak up on you. somehow i'd like to savor my last breath. i'd say something really profound, something so amazing that makes so much sense and causes others to lay down on the ground just like in that radiohead video. but the more i try to think of something profound, the sillier my words sound. or to die in your sleep. to go to bed thinking you'll wake up.... why did i ever think this would be better? no. i want to know. bang bang. things are so up in the air right now. the opportunities. the possibilities. that will lead to the disappointments. the bitter reflection. i'd like to be experiencing everything i need to learn from, instead of learning how to experience it? i'm as happy as a clam. yet so much more vulnerable then i let on. somehow i feel i deserve something good this time. is that selfish? to want to be wanted and not want back, or do i just not make sense? see thats the problem with people, they have their own ideas. young idealistic men are dangerous. i tell myself this, i dont listen. sketchy sketchy sketchy. in a world of theives and whores, i just want a loyal party... and maybe a warm pillow.
posted by sarah 10:20 PM
