The Burdens of Being Upright

Oct 31, 2003

from now on i just claim things. no compromise. no listening to others. just me claiming you..

posted by sarah 1:29 AM

breathe or resist her

while driving, i love driving. especially now with all the pretty colors. autumn is my favorite time. anyway, while driving, i was thinking about houses and me and my plans for post-highschool life and while i was thinking, it really sunk in. before it was always just "when i grow up i want to be a blah blah blah" and now its like crap. theres not much more time. so now its sinking in i guess, do i really want to do this? yes. i do. the end. my tummy hurts. i've given up fast food. i've given up you.... dude.

dork.

posted by sarah 12:52 AM

Oct 27, 2003

my stomach swears there's comfort there

am i floating or am i sinking? or digging my own grave? i've always debated which would be better, to die and know you're dying or for it to sneak up on you. somehow i'd like to savor my last breath. i'd say something really profound, something so amazing that makes so much sense and causes others to lay down on the ground just like in that radiohead video. but the more i try to think of something profound, the sillier my words sound. or to die in your sleep. to go to bed thinking you'll wake up.... why did i ever think this would be better? no. i want to know. bang bang. things are so up in the air right now. the opportunities. the possibilities. that will lead to the disappointments. the bitter reflection. i'd like to be experiencing everything i need to learn from, instead of learning how to experience it? i'm as happy as a clam. yet so much more vulnerable then i let on. somehow i feel i deserve something good this time. is that selfish? to want to be wanted and not want back, or do i just not make sense? see thats the problem with people, they have their own ideas. young idealistic men are dangerous. i tell myself this, i dont listen. sketchy sketchy sketchy. in a world of theives and whores, i just want a loyal party... and maybe a warm pillow.

posted by sarah 10:20 PM

Oct 26, 2003

sarah sarah sarah in a tailor shop, all day long she fits and tucks, all day long she tucks and fits, fits and tucks and tucks and fits, fits and tucks and tucks and fits...

sarah sarah sarah in a shoeshine shop, all day long she sits and shines, all day long she shines and sits, sits and shines and shines and sits, sits and shines and shines and sits...

sarah sarah sarah in a chevrolet, all day long she sits and shifts, all day long she shifts and sits, sits and shifts and shifts and sits, sits and shifts an shifts and sits.

posted by sarah 9:34 PM

Oct 22, 2003

type R for rambling

katie and i have a secret plan to be smarter, more cultured, and just all around more awesome than everyone else. the kids will be so envious. or no one will. because we're dorks. but anywho, sundays are fundays not dundundundays. i make no sense. school is for fools this year is making me queer and HOLY CARP! this toothpaste has floss built into the cap. thats amazing.

i'm easily impressed.

posted by sarah 10:33 PM

Oct 19, 2003

what's not creepy about antiques...... the prices!

the weekend was pretty darn fun. today me and katie were driving around after our trip to walmart. so we were driving around glendale and we came across the marietta mansion. the sign said tours were a $1 so we decided to go on a tour. it was interesting. pretty house. the best trees. and a grave for a horse that was being dug up.

tonight. when i was driving to angie's house because i had left my cell phone there, i hit nothing but green lights all the way there. (there has to be at least 8 lights between my house and angies). then on the way home, nothing but green lights. it was insane. the drive home was very calm and peaceful. but not like the eerie calm before a catasrophe. the calm that comes before things get better.

the loneliest time is when i'm in the car all alone and i see a padiddle and i instintively reach for the ceiling. thats when i miss my friends the most.

its not that i'm insensitive, its not that i dont care about other people and their problems. i'm just impatient. when you recognize a problem in yourself but do nothing to solve it. then you're just a douche, not a victim of these supposed problems.

posted by sarah 11:19 PM

Oct 17, 2003

this time last year

there's a place i'd rather be. yet who knows if i am wanted there. after hard deliberation, that wasnt necessary and wasnt healthy, i've decided that maybe i shouldnt deliberate so much. just look at the word De-Liberate > de-free > make unfree > restrain. if i didnt overthink things to the point of non-existence maybe they would exist. yes. it makes perfect sense. you're just dumb.

---

i bought a hat today. i like it a lot. halloween will be fun. i went to physics is phun today with sean so we could get extra credit in our physics class. we ran into rob and juliet there. that was weird. the chairs in the physics hall are amazing. it wasnt that phun....fun. oh. on the news just now they were talking about metro stations and how they really do have bathrooms. but these metro types are tricksters. the bathrooms are labeled things like "equipment room" and such. such tricky tricky metro men. let us pee.

(that last line was profound and you know it)

posted by sarah 10:26 PM

Oct 13, 2003

exploitation:

i want to stay up late tonight and read into your life theres is a means you once even said" and he attacked me and it was nice".

posted by sarah 11:16 PM

non-stop decapitation

i saw kill bill the other night. most violent movie ever. needless to say, i loved it. bang bang by nancy sinatra makes me want to walk around in the desert doing something cool or profound. so, yes, go see kill bill. no work today. me and angie went over jason's house and watched high fidelity. i think we scared jason. he'll probably never hang out with us again. hmph. i'm trying to clean up my mouth. i curse like a sailor. and it probably sounds trashy so i'm trying to cut back on the swearing. not because anyone told me to, but because i feel like its. thats it.

posted by sarah 10:26 PM

Oct 11, 2003

yes dice

i found out a lot about my family today when i was talking to my dad. it turns out that my great grandparents immigrated here from poland (on both his mom and dad's side). and my great grandmother (on my grandpa's side) died when she was only 23. during world war 2, my dad's aunt and three of his uncles (on his mom's side) joined the marines. and 3 of his uncles (on his dad's side) joined the navy. his dad (my grandpa) tried to join the navy but they declined his application because they thought it would be more useful if he stayed back here and continued to build machines in a factory for the war. my dad went to a teacher's college. and back then if you made honor roll, you got 50% of your tuition back. so then he was a history teacher but when the vietnam war rolled around, he joined the navy because he didnt want to get drafted and "carry a gun through rice paddies". i would love to meet someone who had my dad as a teacher way back when. it just seems so silly that some highschool kid once said "oh man, i got mr janeczek for history." so yeah. this cricket has been sitting here for hours. and my voice still hurts. and i want to play pool.

posted by sarah 1:35 AM

Oct 9, 2003

All starry eyed - tongue all tied

last night i went to the ottobar and saw american nightmare. i forced bill to come with me but i think he enjoyed himself. american nightmare...... euphoric. seriously. so great. they somehow managed to steal my voice away from me so that by the end of the ride home i could barely speak. all day today, i've been popping and cracking like a 12 year old boy who just hit puberty. it hurts. reminds me of the little mermaid where ursula steals ariel's voice and puts it in that shell. american nightmare must have done that while i wasnt paying attention. hypnosis, i swear. well anycrap, my throat still hurts so i think i will stay home tomorrow. except i have a quiz in ap us and a presidential highlight due so maybe i'll go in late just for 4th pd and leave right after it. sounds good to me.

OH! i made 41 dullars the other night for only doing an hour's work. the school i work at was having their pta meeting so they needed people to babysit for the parents. and all i did was play with playdough with 4 kids for an hour and i got double my wage plus a 25 dollar bonus. which means, 41 smackers! what to spend it on, what to buy, oh dear me.

posted by sarah 11:02 PM

Oct 7, 2003

funny

posted by sarah 1:26 AM

Oct 6, 2003

i'm a man of contradiction

there was comfort in the mysterious lining. thinking there was something more. thinking i had it figured out. there was hope in thinking something was beautiful. i cant write. i cant write. i cant write. is this one of those reassesments? values readjusted. loose construction so i can bend with the wind? everybody is the same as before. and everyone will let you down. and everyone will lift you up. and this procrastination and idealization will only set you up for disappointment. but not even the disappointment that comes from a great high. its the disappointment that comes from never even letting yourself experience anything and being stuck in the same low as always. and no this isnt an ad for booze. and no i'm not lonely or depressed. and suddenly i wish i wasnt so public.

posted by sarah 10:29 PM

Oct 5, 2003

it's about as american as fathers chasing children with power tools

i went to forest glen today with angie, callan, bill, jason, and ryan. it is too pretty. and too sad that its so neglected. it was a good time. look at me. i cant write at all anymore.

this city has big buildings. i like food. bye.

posted by sarah 3:28 AM

Oct 1, 2003

bouncity bouncity bounce

i got a haircut and its very cute and bouncy and girly. maybe a little too girly. i feel like a... girl.

so my lowest grade right now is in health class. HEALTH. what the deuce? its health class, it should be easy as pie. but its my lowest grade. makes no sense.

posted by sarah 8:50 PM