Mar 8, 2003
each day a reminder of what it takes / each day a reminder of my mistakes
i dont want to live here anymore. my dad is insane. seriously, he's fucking nuts. i'm on restriction because my grades dropped from a 4.0 to a 3.83. i'm not allowed to hang out with my friends anymore because according to him they're losers. and me and eric couldnt go to the show at matt's tonight because matt "looks like he crawled out from under a rock" and he's a loser. fuck you dad. you dont know my friends at all. and my dad's implying that i'm some sort of a tramp. always telling me to change because a tshirt and jeans is trampy. fucking flip flops are too revealing. fuck! i am going out of my mind trying to please you! i try to be a good person. i have never drinken, done drugs, or smoked. ever. i am such a prude, you have no idea. i work my ass off to get good grades. but its never good enough. thats all i get, a constant reminder from a drunken asshole that i will never be good enough. the fact that my father could only love me if i had a 4.0. and not even then, because i am still a disappointment. i'm sick of this. i want to leave. not a day goes by that i dont think about ways that i could get away. i have over $1100 in the bank but i cant access any of it without my mom's signature until i'm 16. thats not too far away though, only a month. but i'd have nowhere to go. and i dont have the balls to do any of it. i'll just sit here and be controlled until i graduate. i want my mom to come home. i want to be able to be myself. damn it. i cant even decide my own religion. i cant even pick my own friends. i cant even dskjf
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posted by sarah 9:49 PM
