The Burdens of Being Upright

Jul 30, 2002

i'm home.

posted by sarah 5:00 AM

Jul 27, 2002

friendly smiles to welcome you

i just saw the new austin powers movie. its even funnier than the first two.

you know what? i'd change it all for a pretty face.

posted by sarah 12:44 AM

Jul 25, 2002

it's hot.... white hot

yo, i'm in kansas. we're staying here until saturday. then we're going to indiana. i should be home on tuesday. i miss maryland.... or maybe just the people in maryland. i'm kinda having fun here. but i'm still a little bored so someone needs to call my cell phone and entertain me... i finally saw the royal tenenbaums! it's strange, in a good way. i liked it a lot. i also saw the mothman prophecies which was a big disappointment. it blew. it was just.... dumb. well anycrap, my sunburn is starting to peal and i look very gross. now no one will want to make out with me. darn.

posted by sarah 6:00 PM

Jul 21, 2002

the more you talk the less i want to have sex with you

i went to the ocean city this weekend. it was fun, not mind-blowingly amazingly fun, but fun. it had its miserable parts but it also had its good parts. i'd say it was overall worth the trip. i'll write more about it later. right now i'm waiting for my laundry to dry so i can finish packing. tomorrow at about 5 am me, my mom, and me brother are driving to kansas city to visit my grampa and cousins and then to indiana to visit my other brother and then to ohio to go to cedarpoint and then home. it should take about a week. so..... yeah.... good night.

posted by sarah 11:05 PM

Jul 18, 2002

revenge of a mortal hand

Love, art thou sweet? Then bitter death, must be:
Love, thou art bitter, sweet is death to me,
O love, if death be sweeter, let me die.
[Tennyson's Lancelot and Elaine]

i should just give up all of my opinions, ideas, thoughts, beliefs, everything. no matter what i choose to think, i'm the subject of ridicule and i have to hear people telling me how wrong i am. maybe there will come a day of judgment when i have to explain my life, but that day is not today and you are not st. peter. you have no more of a clue than i do. your faith does not make you right or better. it takes just as much faith to call out something as a lie as it does to call it truth. some days i just don't like people. the people who laugh at me for having a blogger but yet continue to read it daily. the people who claim to have an open mind but have a list of exceptions bigger than their ego. "i can accept everything, except for..." the people who have so much misplaced anger. the people who continue to make the same mistakes because they find comfort in failure. the people who can't seem to stop yelling. the people who pretend that they own me. who interrogate. who scream. who judge. who control. who destroy. the people who will scream at you until you cry. who will threaten to break down the door. who will then offer an apology and an empty promise that it will never happen again. a week later its the same thing. "but i stick it all out for i cannot change the chance that made me." i'm too young to be bitter. isn't this supposed to be a time for optimism? let me stop trying to play the role of the victim (let us all stop). i'm the one with the knife in my hand. (that made sense to no one) i'm the one who cant seem to move on. (i'm going to have to answer to someone for that one.) i'm the one complaining. (i dont blame you for laughing, i am a joke.) i'm too dramatic. (i should just give up now.) i'm the one rambling. i'm the idiot. you're the sane one.

posted by sarah 11:05 AM

Jul 16, 2002

Vikram Seth

"All you who sleep tonight
Far from the ones you love,
No hand to left or right
And emptiness above -
Know that you aren't alone
The whole world shares your tears,
Some for two nights or one,
And some for all their years."

last night was fun and scary and nervous and ridiculous. i could sit here and write out all the details but its not like anyone is really interested anyway. and it's a bit embarrassing b/c we're all so dumb. you can just know that it involved 4 people in a car that didnt belong to any of them being chased by a mustang. (haha, that makes it sound a lot cooler than it actually was.) now i'm really tired. i dont think i fell asleep until after 2 am... i'm listening to the song overdue by the get up kids, its actually a really good song. and i dont even really like the get up kids that much... i had a nice talk with angie yesterday about beliefs. i love angie. i'm happy that i know her. hmm... i think i might go eat one of those cookies thats sitting on that table and then get back to work...

"you know what i like about her; she takes what she believes in and believes in it." -eric

posted by sarah 10:21 AM

Jul 15, 2002

fake nails, fake laugh

i get my paycheck on friday... $845.25!!! i've never had that much money before. i'm rich! friday is my last day of work. next week, when we get back from the beach, i'm going to start looking for another job. i'm hoping i can work at one of the stores in hilltop, freestate, or marketplace because then i can just walk there after school. the only problem is, those shopping centers are practically deserted. i wonder if the hallmark store is still at freestate or if it moved to bowie town center... if it is, i could get a job there... i could just bag groceries at giant or safeway... there's always kaleidascoops, i know two people who work there and they might be able to hook me up with a job. i imagine it would get awefully cold there though... i could work at rugged wearhouse and get a discount on the already cheap stuff... i'd rather not work at hilltop because its further away and i'm lazy... i could work at starbucks and serve coffee to all the yuppie people in town... hmm... we'll see.

i really do not understand the concept of make-up. all it really does is cover up your face and your so-called "flaws". but how are they flaws if everyone else in the world has them too? i've seen a lot of girls that have really pretty eyes but completely destroy them by piling on gobs of eye liner and mascara. "yeah she has a pretty face but it comes off on the pillow every night." it's really sad when some people won't even go out to get the mail without make-up on. and its just weird when you see girls wearing it at the pool. i'm not saying i never wear makeup, i just find it very off-putting when people dont use it to accent their features but to disguise them.

posted by sarah 1:36 PM

Jul 14, 2002

i didnt get my paycheck yet. it needs to come soon or i'll have no money for the beach. stupid job.

posted by sarah 5:49 PM

Jul 12, 2002

i just want someone to say to me "I'll always be there when you wake"

i painted one of my walls red yesterday. now my room is sexy. i ran out of paint so i had to run out to lowes in the middle of painting.

today is a beautiful day. i'm watching the blind melon video for no rain. its such a sweet video. its at the part where the little bee girl finds the field with all the other bee people.... so happy. i feel a lot better today than i did yesterday. i talked to erin last night. or more like we argued. it was really dumb. she scolded me for sleeping in on weekends. i couldnt believe she said that, it really pissed me off. the argument went on and on and on.... in the end, she apologized but i didnt forgive her. i'm not mad anymore though. i have no energy to be mad. i just feel very indifferent towards her. this has been going on for about a year now. we'll get in a fight and make up a few days later then in a few weeks start fighting about the same things all over again. its a cycle. and its killing me. i really do not care anymore. i'm numb. she can go on yelling at me for the stupidest things and then say that she loves me a minute later all she wants. i'm just not going to listen anymore.

posted by sarah 9:38 AM

Jul 11, 2002

who watches over you?

"I need to hear some sounds that recognize the pain in me, yeah
I let the melody shine, let it cleanse my mind, I feel free now
But the airways are clean and there's nobody singing to me now"

i went to the show last night. the first band to play was avenged sevenfold. they were really really bad. strobe lights, artificial smoke, shirts with cut sleeves, cheesy metal riffs, and bad harmonizing add up to one horrible band. next coheed and cambria played. meh, they were alright. i didnt like them too much but i can understand why others would. then from autumn to ashes played. *sigh* such a good band. they closed with short stories with tragic endings. i didnt think they would play it because there was no girl but the crowd filled in for part of the vocals. during that song, they invited everyone up on stage. it was somewhat cheesy but it was still pretty cool. it looked really cute from up on the balcony. at about 11:45, shai hulud went on. they were even better than the first time i saw them. it was so nice to look at everyone with huge smiles on their faces. stevo watched part of the set from up on the balcony with me, right before he jumped over the rail into the crowd. so silly. i guess overall i had a good time. the last half of the show was great. but during the first 2 bands i was kind of sad. for some reason i just felt completely alone, even though i was in a room filled with people. anyways, after the show we (me, katie, angie, erin, kevin, matt, and paul) went to dennys. i slept over katie's house. i think we got home around 3:30 am. 5 hours later, i had to get up and come to work. (i'm at work right now). only 2 hours left. when i get home i think i might start painting. (i'm painting one of the walls in my room red). blah. i feel so out of place. there's about 1 and a half months left of summer. i dont want to go back to school. but i also dont want it to be summer anymore. i think i'm just bored with my life. :-( i dont like feeling this way.

posted by sarah 12:55 PM

Jul 9, 2002

I cannot judge others' lives only to justify my own

tip of the day: always wash the stamps off your hands from a show before you go to bed, otherwise you end up with ink on your face in the morning.

yesterday... i worked. last night me, angie, katie, and erin took the metro to the black cat. we met matt, matt greenwood, and brent there. del cielo was the first band to play. they were alright. i didnt like the singer's voice that much though. majority rule was amazing of course. i got a free majority rule sticker. it was really hot and a lot of people were smoking during majority rule. i felt like i was choking. i think thats rude to smoke in a small, crowded room. can it not wait until the band's done and you can go outside? oh well. i'm at work right now. we haven't done any work all day. i'm bored. i think today i'm just going to take a nap. i'm too tired to do anything. and i don't want to spend any money today. i have to save it for tomorrow. shai hulud and from autumn to ashes are playing! it'll be like ecstacy but without the brain-damaging pills. last night was a little weird. i wasnt all that enthusiastic about talking to erin. i'm not mad at her and i've forgiven her. but she's still the same person who yelled at me just 2 days ago. blaming it on pms, or on anything for that matter, is just crap. learn some self-control. you are responsible for your own actions. and some of the things she said were just stupid and mean. erin's changed a lot since i first met her. i dunno..... balls.

posted by sarah 12:56 PM

Jul 8, 2002

butterfly - weezer

Yesterday I went outside
With my momma's mason jar
Caught a lovely Butterfly

When I woke up today
And looked in on my fairy pet
She had withered all away
No more sighing in her breast
I'm sorry for what I did
I did what my body told me to
I didn't mean to do you harm
But everytime I pin down what I think I want
It slips away - the ghost slips away

I smell you on my hand for days
I can't wash away your scent
If I'm a dog then you're a bitch

I guess you're as real as me
Maybe I can live with that
Maybe I need fantasy
A life of chasing Butterfly
I told you I would return
When the robin makes his nest
But I ain't never comin' back
I'm sorry, I'm sorry, I'm sorry

i dont know why i love this song.

posted by sarah 9:48 AM

Jul 6, 2002

a phone fit deceptively in the palm of your hand isolates us both

my room is ugly. very ugly. its so big and has so much potential i'm just too lazy and uncreative to make it pretty. so i was thinking about it last night and today and i may have come up with an idea. i want to do a 4 elements theme. the area where i sleep would be the sky element so i could keep my pretty stars and such. i guess the fire part would be where i have my cd player and tv and i'll incorporate water and earth in there somewhere.... this could be really awesome. if anyone has any more ideas for my room, tell me. i need to get started planning this whole thing out.

posted by sarah 1:31 AM

Jul 3, 2002

you want me so fucking come and find me i'll be waiting with a gun and a pack of sandwiches

posted by sarah 10:41 AM

expose it for what it is:

lack of understanding, lack of communication, lack of a desire for expanding education, lack of inspiration, lack of innovation, the fact you cant respect another man's creation, lack of motivation, lack of restoration, the fact we lack unity and enjoy separation, lack of destination, because you know what i feel, i feel that humans lack the ability to be real.

angie was bored yesterday so me and matt went and picked her up. we went to kmart and angie took some orange and banana flavored condoms. we made windsocks and balloons and hit eachother in the face with them. katie called so we went to pick her up. we basically just drove around all night looking for somewhere to play with the fireworks we bought on monday. we never found anywhere. oh well. the night ended with katie in my bed and me washing orange-flavored spermicide off of my hands. (hehehe) i'm really excited about going to the beach, we might be going from the 19th-21st. erin's going to be at her aunt's condo from the 14th to the 21st or something. she invited me and katie but we have to work that week. so the plan so far is that me, katie, and angie drive down to OC on friday with matt and whoever else goes. then we spend the weekend having fun. and since we're not really staying wih anyone anywhere, we wont have to deal with that whole "be in by midnight" thing. fun fun. i hope everything works out. i think erin will be happy to see us after being there with just her mom and aunt for a few days. it'll be really fun if a lot of people go. so if you're reading this, go to the beach that weekend. i guess i should get back to work but we're not really doing anything right now. today's my last day of work until monday!!! i have off tomorrow and friday b/c of fourth of july and all. i hope the world doesnt end tomorrow b/c that would really interfere with my plans for the beach...

posted by sarah 9:46 AM

Jul 2, 2002

angie is... a dork

Sarah is currently on tour with Champions on Ice...
Sarah is Evil Thanks to nypaco, now you can all see what happens when you try to tell the truth about Sarah...
Sarah is Pregnant!
Sarah is in the swimming pool with her new eye
Simply put, Sarah is country, disguised as rock n roll.
Sarah is a revelation. It makes you realize how overused words like original and inspired have become
Sarah is too small, Sarah is too little, Sarah is too weak, Sarah can't row ...
Sarah is getting ready to visit Mickey Mouse this summer, learn to swim, and to start school in the fall. ...
Sarah is so smittened with Ade that she begins to lose interest with Bethany. How will it all end? ...
Sarah is one of four young peregrines bred in captivity
Sarah is a survivor of a brain injury
Sarah is another of the golden guppies spawned by the Cricket Club
Sarah is the "Real Estate Sleuth" for buyers in the Lower Mainland. ...
Sarah is a ghost!
Sarah is torn apart with jealousy. ...
Sarah is not happy with this order
Sarah is a simple nerd with insane passions for music, obsessing over Star Wars, spending hours at the arcade, wasting time watching anime, reading like a nerd ...
Sarah is a totally hard-core, tough girl.
Repressing her desperate love for the gay father of her child, Sarah is making herself ill by pretending to love her husband. ...
SARAH is the MOST ATTRACTIVE
Sarah is an excellent dog to leash walk
Sarah is Unquestionably #1
Sarah is a rare--and moving--opera about women in love
Sarah is learning to do the bird pose.
Sarah is lost in a snowstorm
Sarah is like "being pecked to death by ducks."
Sarah is killed along with some Chilean protestors
SARAH IS HERE TO KICK SOME SERIOUS BUTT!
Sarah is neurotic
Sarah is not recognized when she goes out.
Sarah is up to date with routine shots, already house trained, and spayed
Sarah is happily owned by two black cats
Sarah is brutally attacked by a large wolf and is rescued by the Goblin King.
Sarah is holding Nick's penis and licking the cum from it.
Sarah is mistaken for a saint and forced into religious servitude, expected to walk on water and offer blessings
Sarah is a very unbalanced god
Sarah is a professional escort
sarah is nothing like britney
sarah is retro
Sarah is exploited and abused

go to google.com and type "yourname is" into the search, its funny what comes up. sorry for making you read all that.

posted by sarah 6:51 PM