The Burdens of Being Upright

Apr 25, 2002

stop the world, i want to get off

something i was thinking of today: we try to prove the existence of a physical world with our 5 senses. (ex: this tree is real because i can see it, this water exists because i can taste it, the table exists because i can feel it.) but perhaps our senses are really just tools of our minds. there are certain things that we cannot understand without some sort of "evidence" of its existence. like how could you explain sound without the ability to hear? so our mind creates these images and scents and sounds so that we can understand these concepts. and all these things form this world that we label reality. but what we can feel, taste, see, smell, and hear is not reality, they are just a made-up world that our minds create so we can understand things easier. it is our minds that live in reality......... does anyone understand what i'm saying at all?

posted by sarah 3:51 PM

Apr 24, 2002

you're gonna regret this

i woke up at 5:30 this morning b/c i had to be at school at 6:30 for morning detention! wooo! from 6:30 to 7:20 i sat in a room listening to my headphones and reading a book (the restaurant at the end of the universe), pretty loose for a punishment. oh yeah, i got detention for skipping a hall sweep on friday. (hall sweeps are where you get sent to this room to copy the student code of conduct if you're late to class.) i was 10 seconds late for my english class and my anal teacher sent me to a hall sweep! this pissed me off so i just went to 3rd and 4th lunch instead. i guess she got suspicious when i never went back to class so she told my administrator. bleh! lets see... i had fun at java head last night. fun people make for fun times.

a question for you to ponder:
did god create man, or did man create god?

posted by sarah 4:42 PM

Apr 19, 2002

well, i'm off to go camping. be back sunday.

posted by sarah 4:05 PM

Apr 17, 2002

keep vermont civil

i had a doctor's appointment today at 1:30. i was supposed to go to school but i woke up and didnt feel like it. so i went upstairs to my mom's room and said "i think i should stay home so i'm well rested for my doctor's appointment." i think my mom said ok or something, i dunno, i collapsed on her bed and slept for a few more hours. blah blah blah.... we went to andrews airforce base to go to the doctor.... on the way there i saw a car with a bumper sticker that said "keep vermont civil". and i saw a plumbers truck that said "let us stick our snake down your drain" and had a leprochaun standing next to a golden toilet with rainbows coming out of it painted on the side. anyway, i'm real tired. i'll continue this tomorrow.
posted by sarah 12:07 AM

Apr 15, 2002

demented forever

*sigh* hope in the form of butterflies. this isnt going to get you anywhere. silly kids with silly ideas. love is in the air? no dear, that's pollen. get your head out of the clouds and look at the world around you. feet on the ground is the only way to get anywhere. you're not made of stone you know. there's only so many punches you can take. but still your naive dreams begin to fill your days. who exactly are you dreaming of?

posted by sarah 11:30 PM

Apr 13, 2002

would you step on me? cuz i wouldnt step on you

i havent updated this in a while. um.... thursday was my birthday. i turned 15. friends came over, ate popeyes, and watched movies. i went to a show in college park tonight. it was fun. i didnt go inside much b/c the air was hot and unbreathable. i've been fasting (not eating) since midnight thursday. i can eat in 5 hours. its a 30 hour famine. i'm hungry. um... tuesday i saw dashboard confessional play. it was a fun show. ben kweller is pretty good. i'm listening to him right now. i have the hic ups.

posted by sarah 1:09 AM

Apr 8, 2002

when caffeine and boredom meet

theres still a hand in your fountain said the lazy duck just keep on going the morning will come soon then we can all get food yes said the man indeed theres no reason to make sense incoherent ramblings work just as well not like they'd notice anyway damn communists they're always making up things like that time when i got stuck in the cloud and they told me it was really fog but i knew the truth theres not enough days in the week to do everything at once and you can count the hours but my watch still says its 6:20 thats not what my mother told me but why would it bother being any other time because you're lazy and cant learn to set your clock right and if you're thinking about moving in here you better think again because baby that cliff is high and you're not made of pillows!

thats what you get she said a crazy old man who wants more than money can buy and sits alone shredding paper and yeah his fingers are jittery and he keeps calling for you to help but its never gonna get better if you keep washing the windows and at night i see the cookies hidden under your pillow you're going to get fat and then who will love you not me i said not i said me well thats life the wind keeps blowing and you cant stop it because you're not the wind are you no you're that kid sitting inside watching tv and looking for the remote keep pushing mute baby just keep pushing mute because some things dont change and its not like you care anyway this breath will be your last so make sure to fill it with smoke and would you like to see that kite fly because its only fun when it gets stuck in a tree at least the tree thinks so he told me last night that not everyone gets to be first in line and you have to stomp over some heads if you want this ice cream bar but thats not the point the point is the bell you come when you're called damnit this isnt some kind of party my watch says you're early which means you must be late i can see by the sun you dont like those shoes you're wearing but you just couldnt go barefoot now walk over those burning coals and bring me my newspaper!

well if thats all you want then fine laugh it up because some day i wont be here to stab you in the back and you'll miss it not everyone could be so lucky these tears are frozen and ice doesnt mix well with fire so just keep on burning cuz the man's got the answer if you've got the question and counting sheep doesnt pass the time if there's no fence yeah you heard me thats not the only thing on my list i've got the pencil here you've got a temper and boiling water is not fun to watch and wait for and neither are you so why dont you just disappear because not everyone can have the attention span of a gold fish and swimming around the tank all day is getting tiresome do you know what it feels like to rub a lamp and the genie's on sick leave damn lazy imagination getting me down but going up in an elevator still makes me puke and i dont think you'd like to hold my hair back as i melt your world the moon is not as fun as it appears from down here towering over you its intimidating and full of dangers but of course you'd appreciate it if i fell off because we all know balance is not your strong point if i make this shot will i be famous and will it matter if the tv cuts to commercial before i can drink the water get out he was screaming now you dont belong here if theres not a cross on the door just break my knees why dont you i know your type you and your mallets this insurance says i'll live but do you feel assured?

posted by sarah 11:18 PM

Apr 7, 2002

who told you you were naked?

so today was a good day and i'm happy.

posted by sarah 10:35 PM

take these broken wings and learn to fly

once again my blogger betrays me. i hate how public this is and how many people read it, but oh well, i'll type what i feel without censorship anyway... i love the internet. i can say "thats so great!" and at the same time tears roll down my cheek and no one's the wiser. i try to act as though it doesnt affect me and i'm happy for you so you dont have to feel bad about it. but it hurts. alot. like someone just kicked me in the stomach and expects me not to be in pain. i guess i'm just not used to this high school dating bullshit. its just that no one's ever done this to me before. no one's ever told me that they liked me and then taken it away a week later. i feel so very unimportant. i can be easily gotten over within 2 days? i guess so. i feel bad for writing this because people might feel bad for me or feel bad in general after reading it. but keeping what i feel locked inside is a mistake i've made far too many times and am not about to make again. *sigh* it feels so good to get that out.

song: blackbird - the beatles

posted by sarah 9:17 AM

Apr 6, 2002

seek out your true brilliance.... and fly

i feel as thought i shoud write something on here but i dont really have much to say. lets see... i went to coffee house at roosevelt last night. i walk in and see trevor in the lobby, a little akward but none-the-less cool. i didnt pay much attention to the bands and people playing, but instead played rock paper scissors with pat and made faces at erin and katie. (my efforts in seducing them) me, erin, katie, and mike ran around the empty hallways of roosevelt before we left. i've always thought it'd be cool to turn a school into your house. and there's something about the empty hallways that makes me want to get a chair with wheels and roll down the halls. hmm... then we went to new deal cafe and watched brent, mike, pat, travis(?), and gloria(?) play. they're great. i got some mozeralla stick from generous joe's and we hung out around there until katie's dad came and picked us up. erin slept over my house. we watched tv and slept and then watched more tv. i'm still tired and i dont feel like doing anything today. i dunno, bleh.

posted by sarah 3:46 PM

Apr 3, 2002

and i stick it all out for i cannot change the chance that made me

well, its over. did it ever even start? i'm not going to lie and say that this doesnt hurt and that i didnt cry. i'm not heartbroken, just disappointed. i still like him and i wish things would have worked out. but i knew that they werent. i'm always so shy around people that i like, i dont know why. and i dont talk a whole lot in general. but, i think this is for the best. we're still friends which makes things a lot easier. it still hurts though. the one thing i hate about bloggers is that people read them and i have to censor what i say. i dont know. i cant help but feel like the "rebound girl". people tell me that thats not the case and not to feel that way but i dont know. i hate this. i'm ready for this day to end. tomorrow could be so much better.

posted by sarah 9:38 PM

Apr 1, 2002

i hate cursive and i hate all of you!

went to dc today with erin, katie, trevor, mike, pat, and monchie. let me apologize to everyone for making us an hour late..... but i'm sure you guys had fun waiting at the metro station for an hour.... who wouldnt? we had a nice little picnic which we should never do again because it involves carrying so much stuff. we stood and looked at the washington monument for awhile... it was windy. we climbed this wicked tree, it was crazy. we saw the cherry blossoms. played with some random's person dog with a frisbee. gave homeless people cans of sprite. ate at post office pavilion. rode the metro home. i videotaped it. i'm gonna start taping more things, its funner to look at actual tapes of fun times than just remember them. oh yeah, when trevor was getting off at his stop on the metro i got up to give him a hug and tripped over a cooler! so embarassing.... anyway, it was a very fun day.

music: weezer

posted by sarah 9:29 PM

what a lovely day for an exorcism

tomorrow (or wait, later today) i'm going to dc to see the cherry blossoms and have a picnic with katie, erin, pat, monchie, and most-importantly trevor. ;-) it should be lots of fun, i hope its lots of fun. i just wanna see trevor, i havent seen him in... (counting)... 13 days! and, hey, today is like our one-week anniversary. :-) i need my sleep then, i'll finish my religion post some other time. night

"procrastination is like masturbation; its fun while you're doing it but in the end you're only fucking yourself."

posted by sarah 2:04 AM