Feb 20, 2002
this one's for you
not ready to give up another day, i stare at a computer screen hoping someone interesting will IM me. remember when i used to enjoy our conversations? remember when i used to enjoy you? something happens when people find "love", they forget about all their friends. i've seen it so many times. you find a boyfriend/girlfriend to cling to and leave me back here in the dust. everything between us is lost because now all you can talk about is your new love. a few weeks later you're dumped and sent spiraling back into the shit. only you're not alone, because i'm still here. i'm still here waiting with open arms to greet you. because i'm just that stupid. and when you say you'll never forget me again, i believe you. and then everything's great again and we're down here in the shit together, laughing, joking, talking, just like the good ol' days. but then you feel the need to spread your wings again. you just can't stay on the ground, you have to fly. and you take flight and soar into the distance, and like all the times before you're sucked into a jet engine. blood and feathers falling everywhere. and i'm down here picking up the pieces and glueing them back together so you can live again. i put every feather back in place until you're an even more beautiful bird than before. you say "thanks" and fly off into the distance again. for once i'd like to fly. but then who would be down here to pick you up when you fall? no, my place is not in the clouds. i stay here on earth so you can go wherever you please. i'm the door mat, and you're the muddy shoes. go ahead and walk all over me, thats what i'm here for. because at 3 am i'll still be here with a shoulder for you to cry on. i'll still be your crutch. i'll listen to everything you have to say. i'll mend the broken pieces until you're even more beautiful than before. i'll keep my mouth shut about what you're doing to me so you won't have another thing to deal with. i'll apologize for your wrongs. i'll tell you how beautiful you are. i'll drop everything and come running to wherever you are even if all you need is a hug. i'll love you. even if all i get is a thanks and the door slammed in my face as you go out on your way again, i'll still love you. after all, you deserve to live. and you've had to put up with so much. so much that you won't even tell me about. because you're the victim. you always are. and i'm supposed to feel sorry for you and cater to all your needs. it's killing me. i'm weak and my back hurts from having to carry you so many times. but i grin and bear it because those few moments that we spend together on earth, when you're happy, that's all i need. that's all i'm here for. because your smile lights up the whole room and i'm just so thankful to have a part in keeping you happy. nevermind the fact that when you decide to fly away, i'm left here on earth alone. i'm waking up because i have to. and staying awake until midnight, gripping onto the day, hoping that this won't be another wasted one. staring at the clock, counting the hours until i have to wake up and get through another day. put on a smile and listen to every word you have to say, keeping my mouth shut because i wouldnt want to bother you with how i feel. every step is a struggle, every breath is just a fight for life. i'm exausted.
posted by sarah 11:31 PM
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"there is within me, and with sadness i have watched it in others, a knot of cruelty borne by the stream of love."
Past
current
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