Jan 5, 2002
tell me a story i can believe
today has been so strange, but in a good way. i was surprised to get an email from lauren telling me how she's here for me and how she regrets that we've been drifting apart. and i got a similar note from erin j. asking how i am and offering comfort if i ever need it. and caitlin and erin r. have both said that they're happy for me as long as i'm happy. wow. i am so lucky for the friends i have. to think, just a few days ago i felt so incredibly alone. now i have so many people offering a shoulder to cry on, i don't know what to do with myself. i'm just so happy right now. i feel so free. i cant believe it took losing my religion to make me feel that life was worth it. i know a few of you think that this is just me going through hard times and i'll eventually get over it and my faith will be stronger than before... blah blah blah..... please take into consideration the fact that you may not be right. i'm not asking you to question your own beliefs but don't assume that just because i don't think as you do that i've "strayed". i'm not a lost sheep. the idea of a god, an afterlife, i believe its all a lie. disagree all you want but please respect what i've decided. the funny thing is that now i'm acting more like a "christian" than i did before. the fact that i'm free to do anything now makes things less tempting. if its not "forbidden" then i find myself wanting it less and less. i used to feel obligated to love everyone but now i can hate whoever i want. and i found that, i dont really hate anyone. in fact, i have more love for people now. i dont know if anyone really understands what i'm saying but, meh, it's my blogger.
song: struck down by me ~ bane
posted by sarah 2:02 AM
